After a long day filled with intense emotion, high anxiety, great eating and some drinking, I took a nap (siesta).. I woke up, I had this feeling in my chest, like if someone had just stabbed me, buried a hand in my chest ripped out my heart put some salt on it took a bite swallowed it shat it put it back together returned it ripped it again spit at it passed it around the hall for everyone to join the spit-fest destroyed it with an egg beater drank it pissed it put it back in my chest once again. I couldn't remember why I had this feeling. Had I forgotten to do my homework? had my girlfriend dumped me? Had my turtle finally died? Had my computer crashed? my drumset burned? Had my penis fallen off? had a meteorite killed the entire world population -2 leaving me stuck with new and deteriorated nasty gum chewing red neck britney spears to repopulate the earth? had I gotten a face transplant from michael jackson? had Iran finally used its weapons of mass destruction?
I easily noticed that I still had a penis, saw in the mirror that I didn't look like michael jackson then ran to the computer and searched for the news. oh!! that's right!! now I remember.. It was way worse than any of my previous speculations: oh god! sweet lordy lord! sweet jesus, elokim, moctezuma, tlaloc, quetzalcoatl.. why??? I stood in front of the computer starring in horror..
Chapter 2
I thought about my post-today life. What was I to do? how and where could I find meaning once again? what could I look forward to? how long would it take for the butterflies to fly again, the birds to sing, the sun to shine, the hippopotamus to... growl? roar? whatta hell do they do? I wondered if the cigarettes would have that smell of pain and sorrow that kill more than cancer.. I stood up had to smoke one.. I looked around my apt.. There were still corona bottles hanging out naked, filled with cigarettes that had been consumed by hope, emotion, illusion, excitement, nerve-wrecking breath taking seconds,.. disappointment. There were still a couple of Doritos bags open, waiting to be eaten in full.. like a standing prostitute with her crotch up for grabs.. There was still an unfresh air that was pretty fresh considering the magnitude of the events that had recently took place. The floor was painted with green blood dripped and splattered around the floor like a Pollock..
Chapter 3
Some newspapers talked trash about us, like if we were mediocre scumb. Others put us as unlucky heroes, Some asked why again? some said next time.. Some thought we deserved it others we didn't.. some blamed it on someone or something.. An entire civilization was shaking heads, rubbing eyes, mumbling, teetering.. stretching cheeks, slapping foreheads.. gazing with wandering eyes for an explanation.. asking heaven asking hell..
Chapter 4
Will this ever get to the point.....?
Chapter 5
That Saturday I woke up at 5:45 AM, the excitement just couldn't let me sleep. After 7 hrs and 23 minutes of complete irrelevancy I went to buy groceries. Such an event deserves such food. The avocados were terrible as usual, harder than Pharaoh's heart. They would take 5 years to get ready, maybe 10 plagues. I only found a couple, not enough for guacamole. It would have to be premade-prepacked-prefaked-pregross.. Was this a sign??The guey in line in front of me was from Argentina. He looked comfortable, relaxed, secure, he held his nose up high bought some cheese, prosciutto and other italian-like products that italians and italian wannabes buy. The cashier asked him are you italian? he said 'argentinian' like argentinians do, with pride and arrogance. I think deep down inside though, he wishes he was italian.. I usually really like argentinians, primarily females.. but not today.. not today.
I asked him argentino? he said 'si'.. My first thought was to throw an apple at his face, my second: to grab his groceries and throw them on the floor, my third: to invite him to my party so we can throw peanuts at him, my fourth: how am I going to carry all this shit? my fifth: maybe I should ask the lady for delivery, My 6th: how much do you tip grocery delivering ladies from Sto. Domingo?, My 7th: I should start getting prepared now.. It's almost time..
Chapter 6
The menu for the day was: Ceviche A La R.E., Ensalada de Nopalitos, A carefully selected selection of high quality cheeses from around the world including: Gouda, Edame, Brie, Precorino Romano and Bleu Cheese, with crackers and Spanish gourmet olives and capers, Coronas with personally picked limes. For dessert: Corn boiled with love and watermelon cut with passion, plus the adorable brownies courtesy of kid d.It is known around the globe that the Ceviche A La R.E is a life-changing experience, and today was no different.
Kid j labeled it: "Clearly the best ceviche i've ever had", kid a: "easily better than sex", kid d: "you are the man, man", kid h: "puta, te la mamaste cabron!", kid i: "i'll tell your mom", kid y: "can I finnish it?", kid n2: 'three thumbs up, and a pinky!".
Chapter 7'Patria Patria tus hijos te juuuuran!!!' The national anthem was sung with such passion that it almost made me cry. How did so many Mexicans get to Deutschland this summer..? I mean not only do 20 million of us live in extreme poverty, but for those who don't know, Mexico is clearly not in Europe. They actually had to open a bunker from the 2nd world war to shelter some of them.. maybe some kitchen too..
Chapter 8
The game had just started when suddenly: "Gooooooooooollllll cabron no mames!!!"
Marquez the captain, Marquez the idol, Marquez the god! Marquez the great! I spit all the ceviche I had in my mouth, spilled three coronas on the table and screamed like if a shark had just bitten my ass off.. Such joy was eating me from the inside out and had to expel it in orgasmic fashion..We jumped and hugged like nuts. Miraculously, the floor didn't collapse and we didn't end up in the basement. They say that if the entire Chinese population jumps at the same time, the earth might change its axis and go wandering around the universe.. like major tom.. Well 120 million Mexicans jumped 246 times in 14 seconds after the score.. It is not even close to the Chinese population and it wasn't at the same time (transmission actually arrives sooner in some places than others so...) Still, the world was probably almost split in two and its course almost changed forever.. I repeat: Almost.. Can't emphasize this enough: ALMOST..Chapter 9
A couple of minutes later: an unfortunate series of events tied the game.. The next hour or so felt like a month. I honestly wanted the game to be over.. I couldn't take it anymore. Didn't
even care who wins.. My heart was getting out of my body, shit was coming out of my pants and gravity was pulling me in so strong that once again I don't know how I didn't end up in the basement. I had like 4 near panic attacks.. I now know exactly how it feels to be abandoned in the middle of a shark infested ocean (R.E. has a thing with sharks) and watching a boat sail nearby.. So near so far, Glory and failure face to face hanging from a thread.. Anytime I could be eaten alive, anytime I could be saved and taken back to land as a national superhero.. In similar fashion I had one hand ready to enthusiastically rip my shirt off , and the other holding a corona bottle ready to be thrown at the tv.. I was sitting on my throne without my ass touching it..then maxi appeared... and my ass, like some other 120 million, was elegantly fucked..Chapter 10
Then I said god damned it!!! That shouldn't count.. That goal was unreal. It is not fair.. it
should be illegal. The game should have ended right there right away, the stadium evacuated, the world cup canceled.. forever.. soccer banned.. we live in a globalized world and I am a globalized girl.. or boy.. teams all over 
nationalize players born in other countries.. that's ok.. but aliens?? that's just not aloud.. if you look at Tevez face you can see he is clearly from outer space.. I propose a detailed investigation on Argentina's squad...That's it.. nothing could have been said or done..
Chapter 11 Final Analisis (to be read only by mexicans)
On the left, the now classic mexican slap to the forehead
I've been thinking about this for the past 3 days. And I've come to one conclusion: "The best team wins 99% of the time"..
Jordan was about to lose a million times.. But somehow he would always find a way to win. It doesn't matter how. The Bulls would be on the brink of elimination, Jordan would save them. With a crazy shot, with a lucky call, a lucky bounce, whatever.. Those 356 crazy shots that Robert Horry has made at the last second are not crazy.. Reggie Miller had tons of those too, but not when it really counted.. not with a championship at stake..
It takes a champion to be one. If Maxi tried that shot 10 times he would probably miss everyone of them. It doesn't matter. He did it when it counts. We could cry that the referee didn't give a deserved red card to that a Argentinian defender in the first half, and they could cry that they had a legitimate goal taken away, but they won't, because they don't have to. They dealt with whatever circumstances they had to deal with and found a way to win. It may have seem that we were so close, but we weren't. Deep down we all knew that Argentina was somehow going to win. Even if we played as good as they did. If this game would be played 10 times, Argentina would win all of them. And there will always be something. A last minute score, a genius play, a shot that hit the post, a bad call by the referee, penalty kicks, a thunderstruck on the Mexican side. It doesn't matter, they are all excuses. At the end there is only one winner. It is as simple, as logical. Let's look at the Ecuador game. 'Oh if Tenorio would have scored that one, if the defender would have arrived a milisecond later', 'It only took a brilliant Beckham bending to beat us', 'we were better than them and deserved to win'. Who cares? We all knew that at the end England was going to advance. Now, a more difficult case is the one we just witnessed with Australia. The aussies were better. But they couldn't finish them. They had the opportunity to do so and they missed, even with a man up. Italy put itself in a situation to win it. They had a few opportunities and that defender put himself in a position where something could happen, including one of the most horrible calls I've ever seen. If the game would have gone to extra time or penalties, chances are Italy would still have won. Like this, like that, it doesn't matter..
An even trickier situation is Korea in 2002. They beat spain and italy with clearly absolutely awful terrible calls by the referee and got to the semis.. Well, neither spain nor italy deserved to win more than Korea.. If they take back your goals, then you have to score another one, otherwise you are going to lose. And that's what happened. An upset is only an upset because of our pre-conceived ideas and expectations of who the better team is. But the best team is whoever wins, because that's who won. Simple, not any rocket science.
Final Optimistic and Mediocre View
From the round of 16 to the round of 8 there is not only one step but many. In 94' we couldn't believe when Luis Garcia scored Mexico's first goal. Man! we qualified to the world cup on a last second goal by Abuelo Cruz against Canada and sang 'Nos Vamos al Mundial!' (We are going to the world cup!) for 3 weeks!
Now we are dissapointed if Mexico doesn't finish first, and not surprise if on the brink of eliminating Argentina on extra time. Mexico outcoached every game they played this WC and dominated the opponent most minutes they played. We can't deny that there is progress. Slowly but it is going. We have the best central defender in the history of the universe on Rafa Marquez, one of the best keepers in the world on Oswaldo, a guy who can be playing in Chelsea or something similar on Salcido, and pretty good players on Pineda and Osorio.
Our strikers are terrible though. The only way to create personalities that could solve us a game is to export players to Europe. We have a couple of them in the making. Giovanni, Vela and some of the other youngsters of the Sub-21 World Champion Mexican team are now in barcelona and arsenal. If they don't accept huge amounts of money from America or Chivas, Mexico's chances to get to the next level in SOuth Africa would increase.
At least we can say after this year that 'Jugamos como nunca y perdimos como siempre' (We played like never and lost like always'.. (I don't really speako ingles)) doesn't apply anymore. It is now more accurate to say 'Jugamos como siempre y perdimos como siempre' (BOth always) and with always I mean good. And that is all I have to say about that.. Y usted, que opina???????
Al kikin Fonseca no le queda mas que aprovechar su boleto gratis y viajar por Alemania en bicicleta
Note1: This article is so fucking long.. It should be in The New Yorker
Note2: Pictures from the game taking from: fifaworlcup.com
1 comments:
Excelente
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